Saturday, January 28, 2012

Peace, Joy, and Hope

Thursday evening I was doing one of the Bible Studies in my Women of Faith Study Bible.  The title is Peace, Joy, and Hope.  It seemed suitable under the circumstances.  As I was rounding out the study, with my mind more than halfway toward sleep, I read the last paragraph.  I read:  "Lay all your hurts and worries before him.  Ask him to help you accept your circumstances...".  EXCUSE ME?!  Why on earth should I have to accept cancer, and sinus infections and Hirschsprung's Disease, and no sleep, and....the whole dang thing.  I DON'T WANT TO ACCEPT IT, I WANT IT TO GO AWAY!!!!

But it is not going away.  While I believe in praying boldly, and looking for answers with eagerness, I also know that this all won't just disappear like it was never there.

So I tried.  I tried to pray for acceptance, for contentment in these circumstances.  I couldn't.

Then I  tried to pray for a heart that would be able to pray for acceptance of these circumstances.  I kind of almost did a little bit.

I remember, there was a time, a long time, that I was content in these circumstances.  I was able to accept all this and be good, really good with God.  What has changed?  God hasn't changed, He is still good, He is still truth, He is still LOVE.  I have changed.  At some point I decided this is too hard and that I should be exempt.  That I had endured enough.  That my son had endured too much in nearly 6 years, and that real goodness should come.  I forgot that I have the power to bring the goodness by accepting our circumstances, and living in the peace, joy and hope that are here to be found.  Right here, in the midst of cancer, Hirschsprung's, exhaustion, infections, and much more.

I still don't want to accept this.  I want this curse lifted.  I want relief from this, and I will continue to pray for that in earnest.

 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
God Bless!


  1. Lee, I'm one of the girls in Angela's bible study. Its so great to read your blog--it's wonderful! I truly believe Satan uses exhaustion to muddle our minds and hearts. It must seem so trite to hear "hang in there" when u r at the end of your rope, so I will only say that my prayers for you and your family are a steady stream that will help insulate you in your darkest moments. May Gods love cover you like a warm blanket.
    Peace and love to you,

  2. Lee,
    I have read your blog and prayed for your family. I think your eyes are looking to God and he will show you his way. God has touched your heart may he give you the strength.
    Stacy. S