Listening

First, for those praying with me, I want to clearly outline my prayer and purpose so that it is clear for all.

• For restoration and wholeness for Benjamin
• For restoration and victory for our family
• For rest, physical and spiritual

Some of the things God has told me in my listening time:

• It is indeed OK to not be strong and even to ask for help and accept help that is given
• That he really will work through this fast, but it may not be instant
• That I am amazingly, incredibly loved and valuable!
• That confession and repentance is a crucial part of this.

This has long been one of my favorite passages, and new life has been breathed into it this week:

⁶ “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
   and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
   and break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
   and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
   and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
   and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness^[a] will go before you,
   and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
   you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

   “If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
   with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
   and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
   and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
   he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
   and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
   like a spring whose waters never fail.
¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
   and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
   Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

 ¹³ “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
   and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
   and the LORD’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
   and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the LORD,
   and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
   and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”

         For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Then this from the original Daniel Fast:

 ¹ In the third year of Cyrus king of Persia, a revelation was given to Daniel (who was called Belteshazzar). Its message was true and it concerned a great war.^[a] The understanding of the message came to him in a vision.

 ² At that time I, Daniel, mourned for three weeks. ³ I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips; and I used no lotions at all until the three weeks were over.

 ⁴ On the twenty-fourth day of the first month, as I was standing on the bank of the great river, the Tigris, ⁵ I looked up and there before me was a man dressed in linen, with a belt of fine gold from Uphaz around his waist. ⁶ His body was like topaz, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude.

 ⁷ I, Daniel, was the only one who saw the vision; those who were with me did not see it, but such terror overwhelmed them that they fled and hid themselves. ⁸ So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision; I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless. ⁹ Then I heard him speaking, and as I listened to him, I fell into a deep sleep, my face to the ground.

 ¹⁰ A hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. ¹¹ He said, “Daniel, you who are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you.” And when he said this to me, I stood up trembling.

 ¹² Then he continued, “Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. ¹³ But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia. ¹⁴ Now I have come to explain to you what will happen to your people in the future, for the vision concerns a time yet to come.”

 ¹⁵ While he was saying this to me, I bowed with my face toward the ground and was speechless. ¹⁶ Then one who looked like a man^[b] touched my lips, and I opened my mouth and began to speak. I said to the one standing before me, “I am overcome with anguish because of the vision, my lord, and I feel very weak. ¹⁷ How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe.”

 ¹⁸ Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength. ¹⁹ “Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,” he said. “Peace! Be strong now; be strong.”

   When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength.”

God is amazing, and he has great things planned.  May his righteousness go before you and the glory of the LORD be your rear guard!

Second day

Well really it is kind of actually my third.  I did a dry run on Saturday.  So far, this is how it is going:

1. Without caffeine I am horribly, pathetically tired.  Who knew that was the only thing keeping me awake all day?
2. Unleavened bread is really, really good.  Like addictively good.
3. I make great soup!
4. I still feel like prayers are hitting the ceiling.
5. I have dug into some really cool scripture, chosen by looking up certain words in the concordance and reading chapters around them.
6. I have tons of support in this, and I appreciate and value it so much.  I originally planned to set out on my own on the fast, but decided to ask for agreement in prayer and/or fasting, and so many have responded.  Amazing!

Last night I read Psalm 40 in NIV, msg, and NLT.  This is the NLT version, I LOVE it!

¹ I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
      and he turned to me and heard my cry.
 ² He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
      out of the mud and the mire.
   He set my feet on solid ground
      and steadied me as I walked along.
 ³ He has given me a new song to sing,
      a hymn of praise to our God.
   Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
      They will put their trust in the Lord.

 ⁴ Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,
      who have no confidence in the proud
      or in those who worship idols.
 ⁵ O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
      Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
      You have no equal.
   If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
      I would never come to the end of them.

 ⁶ You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings.
      Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand^[a]—
      you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings.
 ⁷ Then I said, “Look, I have come.
      As is written about me in the Scriptures:
 ⁸ I take joy in doing your will, my God,
      for your instructions are written on my heart.”

 ⁹ I have told all your people about your justice.
      I have not been afraid to speak out,
      as you, O Lord, well know.
 ¹⁰ I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart;
      I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power.
   I have told everyone in the great assembly
      of your unfailing love and faithfulness.

 ¹¹ Lord, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me.
      Let your unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me.
 ¹² For troubles surround me—
      too many to count!
   My sins pile up so high
      I can’t see my way out.
   They outnumber the hairs on my head.
      I have lost all courage.

 ¹³ Please, Lord, rescue me!
      Come quickly, Lord, and help me.
 ¹⁴ May those who try to destroy me
      be humiliated and put to shame.
   May those who take delight in my trouble
      be turned back in disgrace.
 ¹⁵ Let them be horrified by their shame,
      for they said, “Aha! We’ve got him now!”

 ¹⁶ But may all who search for you
      be filled with joy and gladness in you.
   May those who love your salvation
      repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!”
 ¹⁷ As for me, since I am poor and needy,
      let the Lord keep me in his thoughts.
   You are my helper and my savior.
      O my God, do not delay.

Directions

The idea behind the Daniel fast started as a series of small prompts that I followed like a donkey following a carrot.  There was no intelligence required to get here. ;-)  There are some other prompts, though, that I haven't followed so well.  Yesterday changed that.

I was sitting at the table with a woman who is enormously well versed with children with special needs.  I have the incredible blessing of having her assigned to us to help us manage some of Ben's behavioral concerns.  As we discussed his sleep habits, which is hands down the largest challenge we face with him, she gave me some suggestions for helping him, then sat back and, though a bit uncomfortable, proceeded to say with an adamance that clearly appeared prophetic, that we need to pray over his room and and even have a laying of hands in prayer for him.

This is something that has been suggested before, but as I admitted earlier, I hesitated to follow.  At this point it was clear that if I didn't follow God would send a donkey to chat with me about it.  As soon as she left, I emailed my clergy, and I am happy to say that they are entirely on board with the prayer service for Benjamin, and we should have it completed within the month.

This adventure I am jumping into with the Daniel fast is proving to be monumental, and I haven't even begun the fast yet.  I cannot wait to share even more.

God bless!

Daniel Fast

I am going to be venturing into a Daniel Fast for the restoration and victory for our family, and specifically for Benjamin.  I want to start sharing this in a place that is easy to link up to email and other places, so I dug out this old blog.

I have been in a place where prayers have been bouncing off the ceiling and I have felt more and more alone and downcast.  God has led me to this as his answer.  I am not sure specifically what to expect, but I do expect great things.  To God be the glory!

Spreading My Wings

For months now I have been praying for patience, for strength, for endurance, for joy, for peace.  To a great extent God provided me a portion of His patience, strength, endurance, joy and peace, and much much more to sustain me during a difficult time.

Now, as we are moving into a "new normal" a plateau, so to speak, He is showing me how to take care of myself and multiply the goodness He gives me.

Many of you know that I have started P90X, an intense full body fitness workout series.  During the summer I tried to walk or jog a few times a week, and was eating healthier than I was during the spring.  (OK, during the spring I self-medicated a pretty deep depression with Oreos, for what it's worth).  A friend had given me the P90X video series, which I let sit in Mike's dresser for a couple of months.  Then, little by little I started trying it.  I liked it, and jumped into the whole program, and now am typically doing "doubles" or "two a day's" every day.

This is such an incredible answer to prayer!!  I feel beyond great, I feel phenomenal.  I have energy, strength, joy and am living so abundantly!  I have more of myself to give to the ones I love, and a better quality me to give.  I have worked out much of the chronic neck, upper back and arm pain that I have had for years and I sleep like a baby (when Ben allows).

I am so thankful for my healthy body and the ability to do this, and that God led me in this direction as an answer to prayer.  Praise God from whom all blessing flow!

Emerging

In mid-August Ben entered the maintenance portion of his chemotherapy for his leukemia.  I didn't realize it at the time, but that was the day my cocoon started to open.

I really didn't even know I was in a cocoon if I'm being honest.  In much the same way you know something is not right but you can't put your finger on it while you are dreaming, then you wake up to recognize that the odd feeling you had was because you were not in reality, I have emerged from a cocoon realizing I was there after the fact.

This year has been a deep, dark barrel of horror, when expressed in retrospect.  It is ironic how during the nightmare I didn't have a full realization of how horrific it was.

I am so thankful to have emerged, and for the protection from the reality of the situation in the midst of it.  I have a new appreciation for the light of day, and low and behold, I believe I may have even sprouted a set of wings while encapsulated. 

First Day of School

Hannah started Freedom Christian School's home school partnership today.  She will be attending Freedom 2 days/week and home schooled 3 days/week.

Hannah doesn't like change too much.  New location, new kids, new teachers, finding a new locker and new stress.

So as we parked in the parking lot a bit before school was to start, we said a brief prayer together.  It was not grand wording or anything, it was simply asking for the presence of the Holy Spirit throughout her day and for her to see God's presence.

As we walked in, there sat the one little girl that she had already met at the open house.  The little girl whose locker was next to Hannah's.  With a sigh of relief Hannah said "hi".  I had planned to go in with Hannah and get her settled, however at this point I was totally superfluous.  You see, as quickly as a walk from the car to the door, our prayer had been answered.  The Holy Spirit met her right at the door in the form of a friendly face.

God is so cool!